Civility Means Fighting for Human Dignity

Hospitality, tolerance, and forgiveness are among the practices that flow from civility, all so desperately needed in this age of loneliness, self-righteousness, and grudge-holding. The bottom line: if we can approach every interaction in our busy lives with concern for the dignity of the people we encounter, we will be better neighbors, better coworkers, better friends, and better citizens.

US Postage Stamp depicting the Lincoln-Douglas Debates. (Photo: Wikimedia Commons)

What is civility? We use the word often in these troubled times—usually to describe its absence. But if Americans are to really cultivate and prioritize civility, we need a proper understanding of it, both what it is and what it is not. Alexandra Hudson has offered this in a new book entitled The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves.

The literature of civility is extensive and interesting, and Hudson draws on this tradition in her writing. George Washington famously studied a book called Rules of Civility as a guide to his behavior in public and private life. In his book Civility: Manners, Morals, and the Etiquette of Democracy, Yale Law professor Stephen Carter defines civility as “the sum of the many sacrifices we are called to make for the sake of living together.” Sociologist Edward Shils identified civility as a virtue involving restraint, the virtue of citizens and leaders with particular attachments and partisan identities who nevertheless respect the notion of a common good. 

Enter Hudson, whose book comes at an important moment, certainly for the state of civility in America. According to Hudson, civility is more than simple politeness. Politeness and etiquette may be useful, indeed, but in the face of injustice, they fall short. Civility is more than niceness, and if the reader has any doubts of this, Hudson supplies a capacious definition of the term—even allowing for times when civility will seem to defy the terms of politeness. “Civility,” she writes, “is a disposition that recognizes and respects the common humanity, the fundamental personhood, and the inherent dignity of other human beings. In doing so, civility sometimes requires that we act in ways that appear deeply impolite, such as telling people difficult truths or engaging in civil disobedience—the example that [Dr. Martin Luther] King uses.”

“Human beings are prone to adversarial behavior, Hudson concedes, but civility softens our tone because this virtue affirms the human relationships that are at the core of a just society.”

Hudson calls for a recovery of “Dr. King’s view of personhood and human dignity—a way of looking at others that sees them as ends in themselves, and worthy of our respect. King’s philosophy of personhood helps us recover the moral foundation of civility: the basic duty we have to all people, including those who are unlike us, who disagree with us, or who can do nothing for us in return.”

Hudson’s definition of civility finds its essence in the nature of the human person. As Americans have believed since our founding, individual human beings are endowed with an inexhaustible dignity. Hudson draws on a rich tapestry of examples throughout history, and from many cultures, to illustrate this essential truth at the heart of civility.

Human beings are prone to adversarial behavior, Hudson concedes, but civility softens our tone because this virtue affirms the human relationships that are at the core of a just society. Conflict is not usually a threat in civil society, because civility itself allows us to deal with conflict respectfully. It does so through institutional structures such as those found in the US Constitution. We have established arenas for asking important questions and fiercely debating them, in part to ensure our conflicts stay at the level of words.

But institutions alone, important as they are, are not enough. “Equally important,” writes Hudson, “are the internal constraints that individual citizens place on themselves to govern how they interact with their fellow citizens.” The norms we observe in our daily lives matter not only for whether we can successfully navigate “polite society” with its privilege and status, but far more consequentially whether we treat people throughout society, including those who lack privilege, with kindness. Indeed, writes Hudson, it is the “norms that respect the dignity of all members of the human community, especially the different, the stranger, and the most vulnerable—determines whether it can rightly be called a civilization.”

Hudson avoids calls for sweeping policy changes that would somehow make society more civil. Instead, she focuses primarily on the ways that people relate to one another. To create a culture where people are valued, where they know that they belong, starts with personal commitments. “Creating a world of greater social equality […] begins with changing ourselves—in cultivating the disposition of civility that sees others as beings inherently worthy of our respect—and extends into our small, everyday exchanges.”

It is these commitments, not model public policies, that are most likely to form the bonds of trust that are so essential to a just society. “Trust builds social capital,” writes Hudson, which in turn reinforces “our freedom, our democracy, our globalized market economy, and our civil society. None of these can be mandated by government policy.” Hudson points to the decline of voluntary membership in civil society causes and organizations as a key indicator of a civic culture and democratic order at risk.

Hudson tackles many aspects of civility, including its place in a humane education, its relation to civil disobedience, and its application in a time of social media upheaval and technological revolution. Hospitality, tolerance, and forgiveness are among the practices that flow from civility, all so desperately needed in this age of loneliness, self-righteousness, and grudge-holding. The bottom line: if we can approach every interaction in our busy lives with concern for the dignity of the people we encounter, we will be better neighbors, better coworkers, better friends, and better citizens.

This is a book we need, especially in a year like 2024. Civility is a virtue well worth considering in its fullness—and then practicing.